En ce samedi soir, New-York s’animait et s’éveillait, comme si elle avait soudainement repris vie. Les bars se remplissaient à vue d’œil tandis que les clubs créaient des files de jeunes femmes en petites robes et manteaux à la mode à travers les rues achalandées. L’air était frais, mais l’hiver peinait à véritablement s'installer. Si cela était plutôt commode pour une bonne partie de la population, ce n’était pas le cas pour l’autre partie de la ville, constituée de fanatiques d’activités hivernales. Erïka Davidoff faisait partie de ce groupe d’individu. Elle était également l’une des privilégiées qui pouvait se mettre de voler jusqu’à l’autre bout de la planète pour profiter de la neige. Fraichement arrivée de Russie, elle avait passé les derniers jours à mettre de l’ordre dans ses affaires et ranger le contenu de ses trop nombreuses valises après une Lune de miel ayant duré près de trois semaines. Cette soirée était la première qu’elle passait seule à seule avec une autre personne qui son mari depuis qu’elle était de retour à New-York et elle avait décidé de le passer avec sa meilleure amie, Chelsea.

-“So, I finally decide to buy both dresses. You know, just in case I have a second date with that guy. He’s really nice, but, you know, there’s no place for love in a competition like this. And, according to my teacher, I have all my chance to be in Smith’s team. It’s an incredible opportunity to prove myself and maybe erase my criminal record, you know.”

Le brouhaha ambiant permettait de couvrir la conversation des deux femmes, assises à une table haute dans un bar quelconque du centre-ville. Ainsi, elles pouvaient parler de tout et de rien sans craintes, bien que Chelsea se permettait de parler à voix basse lorsque la conversation concernait son affiliation avec le S.H.I.E.L.D. ainsi que ses études. Elle avait su démontrer ses compétences dans certains cas dont s’occupait son mentor, l’agent spécial Smith. La première partie de sa formation se terminera sous peu et elle aura l’occasion d’être intégrée dans une petite équipe afin de faire majoritairement du travail de paperasse, mais également d’observer le travail des agents lors de diverses situations. Si elle était chanceuse, elle pourra se rendre sur le terrain, ce qu’elle espérait fortement.

-“It’s your turn. Tell me about your honeymoon. How was it?”
-“Magical. It was… amazing… I mean, we decide to travel all around the world, no matter where as long as we could be together. We went to Russia for Christmas. And we celebrate New Year’s Eve at Paris. After that, we took the train to Spain where we spend a couple of days. Finally we went to Italia. Now that we are back, it seems like the dream is over. I’m glad to be home, but I miss the sun of California. And the beer from Germany. It’s better than this one.”
-“You are so lucky. You know, sometimes I miss London and I go back to see my parents. And every time I ask myself why I left. I doesn’t have a handsome husband like yours waiting for me here. I have you. And what it might be my future job. Oh! By the way, how’s Bobby? I know things weren’t easy for you lately, guys. But since the wedding everything seems to be normal again. Isn’t?”
-“Well… you remember the attack of last year at the institute’s gala?”


“I never told anyone about what happened to us that night. Honestly, I want to forget, but I can’t. We were in bad shape and the few next days we didn’t talk about the fire or anything related. We decided to start living our lives again, like nothing happened. But few weeks later, the memory of this tragic event brought back everything we were hiding to each other. Our deceptions, our fears, and our secrets….”

***

La nuit était tombée sur New-York depuis plus d’une heure. La Lune avait tracé son chemin dans le ciel afin de se reposer bien au-delà des imposants buildings de Manhattan. Si ce n’était pas de la pollution et des trop nombreuses sources lumineuses à travers la ville, peut-être pourrait-il apercevoir des étoiles.

Perdu dans ses pensées, il ne réalisa pas que quelqu’un venait de pénétrer dans son appartement. Il ne se retourna qu'en entendant la voix de sa fiancée. Celle-ci venait de verrouiller la porte derrière elle. Puis, elle déposa son sac sur le petit meuble de l’entrée avant de s’avancer dans la pièce principale, sans même prendre la peine de retirer le léger manteau sombre qu’elle portait en cette fraiche soirée d’été.

-“I was looking for you.”
-“Is there a problem?”
-“Us. You are avoiding me since the attack.”
-“No Erïka I'm not…”

Il ne pouvait lui mentir. Même si cela était inconscient, la majorité du temps, il savait qu’elle avait raison. Il s’était éloigné. En fait, ils s’éloignaient peu à peu l’un de l’autre à chaque jour.

-“Please don't lie to me. Maybe you don't realize it but you keep pushing me away from you. I don't even remember the last time you touched me.”
-“It's… It's not that… “
-“What is it? I think I know the answer but I need to hear it from you. Why don't you talk to me? You know what happened the last time you…”
-“I know! You don't realize that I'm aware of all this?! I'm the one living with this mutation every single day! I'm the one who almost killed you! How am I supposed to take care of the woman I love if I can kill her by accident every time I touch her?! I wish I could change this and being normal but I can't!”

Il ne voulait pas crier. Mais, pourtant, il avait haussé le ton. Il s’en voulait de perdre son sang-froid, mais d’un autre côté il ressentait les bienfaits d’ainsi s’exprimer. Devant l’insistance d’Erïka, cette façon de s’exprimer lorsqu’elle cherchait à arracher la vérité à quelqu’un, il s’était senti obligé de passer à la défensive et de lui faire comprendre clairement qu’elle n’était pas la seule à souffrir de cet attentat, ayant lieu deux semaines plus tôt.

-“Maybe I'm not the one meant for you.”

Il soupira. Souvent, il avait eu ce genre de doutes. Toutes ses relations s’étaient terminées en grande partie à cause de lui. De sa personnalité. Mais, surtout, de sa mutation. Pourquoi les choses devaient être différentes ? Il était passé si près de tuer accidentellement Erïka, et pourtant elle s’obstinait toujours à revenir vers lui. Pourquoi refusait-elle de voir la vérité en face ? Il était dangereux. Il n’était pas fait pour elle.

-“Don't say that. Please, don't. That's not true.”
-“It is, Erïka. How many time did you get sick because of me? How many time did you have to get away from me because I could froze you to death?”
-“Not enough to make me back off.”
-“Stop doing this. Can you just stop pretending that you are stronger than you really are and be honest with me?”
-“What do you want me to say? That I’m tired to be the freaking weak woman who can’t do anything else than being saved? My powers are useless, I can’t even compare to yours. I’m just a pathetic human trying to get stronger every day. For me. For you. Because I’m too scared to give up. Is it that difficult to understand that I fucking love you?!”

Pendant deux secondes, Erïka se tut. Elle souhaita n’avoir jamais prononcé ces mots.

-“You know what? Sometimes I wish your power can just disappear for one single day. It’s impossible and I know that. I have to live with it. It’s a part of you, I can’t just ignore it and act like everything is fine because it’s not. Maybe… Maybe you’re right, after all. Maybe we’re not meant to be together.”

Les larmes lui montèrent aux yeux. Furieuse, contre lui, mais surtout contre elle-même, Erïka ne pouvait plus se mentir. Robert s’approcha d’elle, faisant quelques pas en sa direction, mais la jeune femme, tel un animal blessé, recula vivement et s’éloigna afin de travers le salon et rejoindre la chambre des maitres.

-“Erïka...”
-“Leave me alone!”
-“Erïka, please…”
-“I said: Leave. Me. Alone!”

Erïka pénétra dans la pièce et claqua la porte derrière elle. Furieuse, elle frappa sans réfléchir le premier objet à sa portée. D’un coup de poing rageur, elle craqua le verre de son grand miroir, reposant au-dessus de sa commode. Du verre s’écrasa sur le meuble, accompagné de fines gouttelettes carmines s’échappant des jointures de la jeune femme. Cette dernière recula et s’assit sur le lit lorsque ses jambes en heurtèrent la base. Robert pénétra dans la pièce en entendant le fracas et y découvrit Erïka, la tête baissée, fixant sa main blessée tout en tentant de refouler ses larmes. Il s’approcha d’elle avec précaution.

-“Erïka, what did you do?”
-“I’m… Fuck… I’m so stupid.”
-“Show me your hand…”
-“I’m fine.”
-“See? You’re doing it again. You don’t have to act strong in front of me. Let me take care of this.”

***

“Some people never pictured us together. We are the day and the night. But we accomplished so much and prove they were wrong. Together, we are complete. But we still have or flaws. We talk a lot, but rarely of what really matters. I mean, we are the worst when it’s time to tell about or true feelings. I think he always doubted of himself because of… you know, how special he is. He is showing confidence, but I know that sometimes it’s just a lie and he’s trying to act like everything is fine. He doesn’t want me to worry. But I still does. I can’t blame him. I’m a stubborn bitch. “

***

Bobby posa un genou au sol, juste devant elle. D’une main, il écarta la chevelure dorée de sa fiancée afin de pouvoir découvrir son visage trempé de larmes, puis il jeta un coup d’œil à sa main blessée. Il suffisait de nettoyer la plaie et de la panser, les blessures n’étant pas très grave.

En se redressant, Robert entraina lentement sa fiancée avec lui, hors de la pièce. Il la força à se rendre jusqu’à la cuisine et à s’assoir sur l’un des hauts tabourets longeant le comptoir avant d’aller chercher des bandages dans la salle de bain. À son retour, il commença à désinfecter la plaie. Ce petit incident aura réussis à les calmer tous les deux.

-“I don’t remember the last time we had a fight like this.”
-“Considering my temper I’m surprise.”
-“Since I know you, you change a lot and for the best. You’re not the same girl I used to see get into a fight with anyone for a yes or a no. I love the Erïka I have in front of me, the one who tries to build a better world for everyone, mutants as humans. I had the chance to spend those last years by your side, even if you have a bad influence on me.”
-“But you still think that we shouldn’t be together anymore.”
-“Erïka…”

Difficile de répondre à ça. Il voulait être avec elle, bien sûr. Lui-même ne savait comment l’expliquer, mais il avait toujours cette impression de ne pas en faire assez ou de ne pas être à la hauteur. Depuis que sa mutation avait commencé à se développer davantage, il avait vu son estime de lui-même se détruire peu à peu. Si ses propres parents ne pouvaient l’aimer à cause de ce qu’il était, est-ce que quelqu’un d’autre le pouvait ? Si. Erïka.

-“Tell me why? We managed to deal with your mutation so far, I don’t understand why we should give up now. Because you almost killed me? Don’t take all the blame for this. I acted like an idiot by going back in that building. I didn’t think about the danger, just about you. I knew you could get away easily, but I just… I have no excuse.”
-“It’s not just about that. Yes, I’m still scared to hurt you like I did, but… there’s more.”
-“What do you mean?”
-“I can’t make you happy, Erïka. My power will always be a barrier between us.”
-“So what? I can handle it. Yes, sometimes it drives me crazy, but I still love you and I will always love this part of you because it’s a part of what’s defines who you are.”
-“I… I don’t know how to say that… It’s… It’s not just about my power, actually. Last week I went back to the doctor’s office, the one who took care of us the night of the attempt. I asked him to run some tests and… I don’t have the results yet, but I’m sure to know the answer. I… I think I could never have a child…”

Erïka se figea soudainement, à un point tel où il se demanda s’il ne venait pas de la congeler à nouveau. Pendant quelques secondes, elle semblait inerte et assimilait l’information. Il aimerait tant lui dire qu’il s’en faisait peut-être pour rien et qu’il aurait dû attendre le résultat des tests avant de lui en parler, mais il n’en fut pas capable. Tout ce qui lui restait en tête était le fait qu’il était le problème dans cette relation. Selon le médecin, son don n’influençait probablement pas sa capacité à avoir un enfant, mais pour Robert restait la pensée que sans sa mutation la vie aurait été parfois plus simple.
Après de longues secondes qui semblèrent durer une éternité, Erïka prit la parole, tentant de faire comme si tout était normal, comme si tout allait bien.

-“What? You… I… It’s fine. It’s not a big deal… After all I would be an awful mother. And… And seriously, do you see me pregnant? It’s not so bad… Let’s see the good side, we can have sex without protection. And, you know… I never pictured myself with a child anyway…”
-“Erïka…”
-“What? It’s okay.”
-“So why are you crying?”

L’espace de quelques secondes, un long silence plana dans l’appartement.

-“Because… Because you are the only man I could picture myself conceive a family with.”

***

“You know more than anyone… I never talk about my family. I never told you why. I won’t, there is nothing important to say, anyway. Let just say, living with my mother wasn’t easy every day. I’m just scared to become like her. I never pictured myself with child because I always had this fear to be a terrible mother. Maybe it’s the sign that I will never turns out like her. If I’m lucky, I won’t die from cancer like she did, six years ago, either.”

***

Elle essuya le plus rapidement possible les larmes coulant de ses yeux, mouillant ainsi le bandage que Robert venait de serrer autour de sa main blessée. Ce dernier vint la serrer dans ses bras alors qu’elle se levait de son siège.

-“It breaks my heart to see you like this.”

Et, encore une fois, tout était de sa faute. Il ne voulait pas lui faire du mal. Il ne voulait pas la voir ainsi pleurer. Pas à cause de lui. Pourtant, peu importe à quel point il pouvait la blesser, Erïka refusait de l’abandonner. Pourquoi ?

-“No matter what you say, it won't stop me from loving you. I might be masochist but I can't help myself.”

Il voulait lui dire qu’il l’aimait, mais il se contenta de la serrer plus fort alors qu’elle tentait de calmer ses pleurs.

-“We can get over this. We are stronger than that, isn’t? There’s always a solution…”
-“But are you sure this is what you want? You don’t have to live a life you don’t want because of me.”

Erïka leva la tête afin de le regarder droit dans les yeux, malgré les larmes brouillant sa vue.

-“Bobby… You are the best thing that happened in my life. I could give up everything I have for you. The life I want is a life where I wake up in the morning with you by my side. I want I life where I find you in the middle of the night cooking bacon to makes me happy after a rough day. I want a life where we just drive wherever we want to forget about our lives and where the only thing that matter is us. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It won’t be easy every day but it worth it.”

Baissant lentement la tête et quittant les bras de son fiancé, Erïka s’éloigna vers la grande baie vitrée de l’appartement, là où la Lune brillait toujours dans un ciel sombre et vide.

-“If you don't want to be with me you can just say it… Anyway I have a lot of reasons to make anybody runs away from me.”
-“What are you talking about?”
-“You know I've got a lot of secrets. And I know we promise to be honest with each other but… I… it was impossible to tell you the truth. Until now. The attack makes me realize how hard it was to keep a big secret like this and…”
-“Which secret?”
-“I am a spy, Bobby. I'm working for a secret governmental agency. I give them weapons, armors, everything they need from my company. But it's not all. I'm working for them as an informant. If I get any interesting info that concern the national security or the protection of the mutant kind I have to report to them. And… And it’s just so hard to keep that secret.”

***

“I told him. Everything. About us. What we did. About what we are doing. I can’t believe I waited so long before I told him. Honestly, that kind of secret can change everything. I was sure it could break us. Then… I realize I wasn’t the one to have secrets like this.”

***

-“I… I don’t understand. Why? What happened? I… There’s so many thought in my head, I don’t even know what to ask you… or if I really want to know the truth.”
-“I’m not a danger for the institute. I want you to trust me on this. I will never do something that could put the students in danger. I want to protect them… but I made a lot of mistakes while trying to do the right thing. Let me explain…”

Elle fait quelques pas dans la pièce principale et s’assoit sur le canapé. Prenant une grande inspiration, elle fait de l’ordre dans ses pensées afin de pouvoir raconter le plus clairement possible la raison qui la trainée sous les radars du S.H.I.E.L.D.

-“Chelsea and I find out that some pharmaceutics laboratories was using mutant patients for their experiments. So we decide to plan a collect of data in one of them. The data were supposed to lead us to the mutants and helps us to free them. We had everything: plans of the building, false identities and physics to makes us impossible to be recognize…”
-“That is why you were a red hair for a month?”
-“Yes… I was supposed to get a wig, but one night I was a little too drunk and… anyway that’s not the point. The point is that our plan was perfect. That’s what we thought. We managed to get in the building, hack some computers and steel hard drivers. When we get to Chelsea’s apartment, it wasn’t long before few men from an organization called S.H.I.E.L.D. find us and takes us to their headquarters. We played the game and tried to make a deal with them. We didn’t know they were watching the place we robbed for months. We almost ruined their operation. We don’t know how or why, but someone decided that we could make a deal under certain conditions. They decided to give Chelsea the chance to really be on their side and train her to be an agent. And I… I’m so good to get in trouble, I’m the perfect person to spy on everyone and get some info about anything they need without suspicions. Lately, they ask me to keep an eye opened about the Brotherhoods. I never told them I know some people with them, but I guess they knew. As long as I don’t break their rules, they will let me live my life in peace.”
-“Wow… I… I know you are a troublemaker, but that’s the craziest thing you ever done. I… I don’t know what to say. There is nothing I can do. Does… does anyone else know?”
-“No. You are the first person I’m telling.”
-“And… no matter what happened, you will always keep the institute secret? If they don’t already know about it…”
-“Of course. I care about the school. I want to protect it... even if it cost my life.”

***

-“We needed time to think after this night. I stayed at my apartment for a while. After that we started to talk more. We opened up to each other and started to share our feelings. We find the time for some activities to do together. Like giving time for some organization that helps children with handicaps or orphans. We are talking about to have a child, especially since we know any of us have fertility problem.”
-“You will both be amazing parents, I’m sure of that. Just to see the way you act when you are with kids, taking care of them like they are yours, it tells everything. The world needs more people like you… and like the cute guy who moves in your building. Who is he? I heard he was a homeless, but is way too sexy for that.”
-“You remember when you asked me why I bought an old building and made it completely restoring in luxuries apartment for no reasons? I always thought I could do something great with it. I took my time, but I finally got the answer.”

“It started last October. It was late when I finally left the office. My apartment is not that far from there and sometimes I appreciate a little walk at the middle of the night. And you know how New-York is safe at night… I know how to defend myself, but I didn’t have to. I wasn’t the one who took a serious beat up to end up totally disoriented in the streets that night. I know people who used to live in the street but doesn’t really belong there. He was one of them, and he wasn’t a part of this world for a long time. When a saw him stumble in front of me, I decide to help him.”

***

-“Hey, man, what happened? You are in freaking bad shape.”
-“It’s… nothing. I’m sorry if… if I bordered you, ma’am.”
-“Don’t worry about it. Just get on your feet, I can’t lift you all by myself.”
-“I’m fine, I… I can do it myself and… oh… you are stronger than you seem.”
-“And you didn’t even see me kick some asses. How many was they?”
-“Four men, ma’am.”
-“It seems like you really pissed them off.”

***

“I drag him to a McDonald at the corner of the street. It’s not like I had a lot of choices. By the time we get there, he was able to walk by himself, even if it seemed a little hard. When we got there, I insisted to pay him a snack. Anything. He refused. I came back with a tray full of burgers, fries, and two large coffees.”

***

-“It is very kind of you, but I can’t accept that.”
-“Yes, you can. You are starving, I can hear your stomach from here.”
-“Thanks you very much m…”
-“Erïka.”
-“Actually, I know who you are.”
-“Everybody knows, it’s not a secret. So, tell me, Army or Navy?”
-“Army. How do you know?”
-“I don’t know a lot of man built like you living in the street. Considering the way you are supposed to look without all you injuries, I would say you are not living there for so long. You probably lost weight, but not muscle. You are very polite and respectful, the way you speak can tell a lot about you. I could spend the night making you the list.”
-“Most of people are just seeing a homeless guy, sometimes a predator because of the way I look.”
-“I’m seeing a traumatize man who didn’t mean to ends up in the streets. What happened? Afghanistan?”
-“I wish it could be only that… I… Didn’t receive the appropriate help when I came back. For the safety of my family I decided to leave.”
-“What do you mean?”
-“It doesn’t matters.”
-“I think it does.”
-“I don’t want to annoy you with my stories.”
-“I’m a psychologist. People are always telling me about their boring stories. Especially my niece, but she’s three, she always talks too much.”
-“You will think I’m a freak.”
-“You clearly don’t know my friends. Nothing can surprise me about people, now.”

***

“We talked a lot. It was hard to push him to talk a little about him or the real reason he’s now living in the streets. He’s not a bad guy, just someone trying to protect people he cares about. I know mutants. I thought he could be one. I took me times, several weeks, to finally get the answer. But, at this moment, I didn’t need it. I had all the information I wanted about him. I had the possibility and the resources to help him. A man who serves is country with courage like he did don’t deserves to live with the trash of New-York.”

***

-“Thank you for the meal. And the talk.”
-“It was a pleasure. Now, what are you gonna do?”
-“Go back there and try to fix myself.”
-“You need a doctor, man.”
-“Are you gonna tell me that you are also a doctor?”
-“No. But I’m a fast learner.”
-“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I should trust you on this.”
-“Then, trust me on the fact that I have a shower in my apartment and that you really need to take one.”
-“You will let a man you barely know enter in your place?”
-“You are not scaring me. And, as I told you sooner, I know how to kick your ass.”
-“Yes of course, I forgot. You are the daughter of a military. He probably thought you a lot of self-defense techniques.”
-“Like I said, I’m a fast learner, you could be surprise to see all I can do.”

***

“We went to my building. Every apartment is ready to welcome a new tenant. I opened to him the door of the first one. It’s perfect for someone who is living alone. The bed is comfortable, he have access to cable, electricity and hot water. Nothing to pay until I gets better and got a job. But, of course, you know me, I had a little idea behind my head.”

***

-“You can stay here as long as you want. This place can be yours. It can be a new start for you.”
-“It’s kind of you, but I can’t accept that. It’s… You already did a lot for me.”
-“And I can do a lot more.”
-“It’s… I can’t… Is there a trap somewhere?”
-“I’m a business woman, what do you think? I wouldn’t call it a trap, but there’s few conditions.”
-“And they are…?”
-“Not so fast. Let me explains everything. I you need a contract, I’m ready to write one too. I want to help you. That is true. This apartment can be yours. The electricity bills will be paid for you, you will have access to everything you saw here. There’s a gym on this floor, if you want to train. But you have to get back on your feet. I will pay you a psychologist and you will go as long as you need. When you will be able to work again, I want to hire you as my personal bodyguard. I need someone with skills like yours, someone who saw everything and is not afraid to risk his life.”
-“Do you think you are in danger?”
-“I’m always in danger. I’m a jackass, I get in trouble a lot of times, most of the time for the right reasons. I need someone to count on. I will never put your life in danger voluntary. But you heard about the attack of the Xavier Institute’s charity gala. Things like this can happened again. We are living in a dangerous world, I think you are aware of that.”

***

“We talked for hours. Then, I finally decide to give a try. If he’s not comfortable with the kind of life I offered him, he could leave. The only thing I asked him is to keep secret our contract. He is just a man who is living in my building and it happens he is now working for me.”

-“How many bodyguard do you need?”
-“A lot. Some of them can work for my company, not directly for me. All of them have a story to share and together, those guys are trying to get over their traumatisms. They try to start their lives again. I offer them a new start and I’m glad to see them getting better over weeks. I’m not doing this for myself, but because I like to help people.”
-“Wow. So all of them were with the military forces?”
-“Yes. Army, Navy, Air Forces, Marines, it doesn’t matter where they are from. They did a lot for their country and they were all by themselves, people gives up on them. I want to help them.”
-“How many are living in your building?”
-“Seven.”
-“I got a reason to come by more often, now.”
-“Oh, come on!”
-“What? I love men and I always appreciate a beautiful male body in a gym.”
-“What am I gonna do with you, seriously?”
-“I will let you some time to think about it. I have to go, it’s late.”
-“As you wish. I will stay a little and finish my drink. You call me next time you have free time to hang out?”
-“Of course, girl! I will tell you more about my sexy almost secret agent guy next time.”

Chelsea quitta le bar en enfilant son manteau d’hiver. Une fois à l’extérieur, elle jeta un coup d’œil tout autour d’elle et traversa la rue en direction d’une voiture sobre dont l’allure à la fois élégante et sportive attirait l’attention de certains passants. La jeune femme pénétra dans l’habitacle du côté passager.

On apercevait avec peine le visage de la conductrice du véhicule. Cette dernière démarra le moteur dès que Chelsea claqua la portière. Elle fixait toujours le bar avec attention, plongée en pleine réflexion. Lentement, elle tourna la tête vers la passagère. Quelques mèches blondes et bouclées, auparavant jetés derrière ses épaules, vinrent encadrer son visage anormalement sérieux.

-“What did you get?”
-“You were right. She’s building an army.”
-“We have to keep an eye on her.” La femme sourit à son interlocutrice. “Welcome to the team, agent Shepard. ”

La voiture quitta son espace stationnaire et prit la route, disparaissant dans la nuit.